politicette | I'm so *~*secular, you guys

I'm so ~secular, you guys

This may be the post that makes you embarrassed to know me. :(

As it's become apparent to many of you already, I am such an unabashed theological geek. We're talking a straight-up nerd-glassed phlegmy-voiced pocket-protector-wearing motherfucker, here. * It's more commonly understood, however, that I am also a bra-burning baby-hating anti-American fetus-eating hairy-legged man-loathing commie pinko secular dyke fag.**

I'm sure you can all imagine wherein the disconnect often occurs.

Hence my mad, mad love of the free-form stylings of one Slactivist. He's fantastic, mostly because he focuses on actual Biblical teachings as opposed to ruminating endlessly on artificially-constructed, time-respected dogma. In fact, he often devotes space for the pure purpose of deconstructing that dogma, and boy. Do I love me some deconstructed dogma.

And his thinkings on eschatology? Amazing.

He's also very, very funny.

So, obviously I could say a lot about them, but this post was inspired by this beautiful, beautiful quote (in the context of his routine dissection of how much the Left Behind books suck) that I believe better explains the connection between salvation and storytelling, and why, in my mind, writing and creation of all kinds are such spiritual endeavors than anything I've ever clumsily articulated:

It's not about finding the special power that can defeat the archvillain's powers, but about a deeper, older kind of conflict. It's not about Bad Power vs. Good Power, but power vs. love. You recognize this story. This villain can't be defeated by silver bullets or wooden stakes or photon torpedos or a magic ring. We don't need a super hero, we need a lamb. The ring must be destroyed. Worthy is the lamb, worthy is the lamb that was slain.

That's the story. That's always the story, really.

He's so right and I'm going to stop myself before I go on a tangent about the nature and underlying significance of human creation, artistry, and expression. Because I, being a huge theological geek, could write pages.

It strikes me, also, that I just realized why Harry's resurrection at the end of Deathly Hallows was so unsatisfying to me LOL I AM A CRAZY PERSON.

*Also stopping myself from going off about the ways in which theological study and science are essentially the same endeavor because golly gee would that never end.

**A truth mileage may vary.

EDIT: LOL YOU GUYS SO THERE IS FIC! HAPPENING IN THE COMMENTS! IT'S FANTASTIC! IF YOU ARE HERE FOR THE SANDBOX CHALLENGE HAPPENING AT FN_FF, I SAY HELLO! BUT FIRST HAVE THIS DISCLAIMER:

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DISCLAIMER: The fic is a lie and I am a liar for saying it, even though I'm not claiming it as truth so technically it's more like fiction, but still equally un-factual and untrue.

Also, it may be triggery due to some of the featured gay-bashing and parental abuse.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think the idea basically was "YOU CAN DRIVE. LET'S FUCK." And that elopement in Mass came first, they could figure out college later.

That they were doing it out of genuine concern and love for him adds a nasty little kick, I thought.

Has he ever played touch football? He maybe like came to a couple of Jon's games in fourth grade.

And Jon of course is wracked with guilt because holy shit he won't stop bleeding and even after he's done throwing up he's still couching up blood and they need to take him to go see Jon's mother now, please, never mind what your parents will think.

Jon is full of wounded pride, but Stephen is just like OMG FOOD ILU MOM IN LAW <3333333333333

I kind of liked the idea that they had an apartment all to themselves. Granted, it was like the size of a honeycomb cell and they had to camp out on the inflatable mattress whenever Jon's mom visited, but hey. You know. It's theirs

Lolol, oh right, excited teenagers XD So now I am picturing them, years later, when they both actually have money, going out to get rings for each other or going on a honeymoon or some sentimental madness like that.

A very sour-sweet kick *winces*

That is why it was such a flimsy excuse, unfortunately.

If it's a really bad break she might have to make them go to the emergency room, where they have to start lying because otherwise the police might get involved. If she can get the bleeding to stop though they can postpone the reactions for a night if Stephen can wrangle an overnight stay at Jon's house, until the swelling starts to go down.

XD She is like my son is so lucky to have found you, you boys need to send me pictures more often and Stephen feel free to call whenver you want and Jon is like MOMMMM but he doesn't say anything because Stephen looks so happy.

<333 They take pains to decorate it as much as their landlord will allow.

you just filled my heart with SO MUCH JOY OMG

But turns out he's got a broken rib, and so they have to pile into the van, and the whole time Jon's mother yells at them both that SERIOUSLY. JUST COME HOME AND BE SAFE NEXT TIME IF YOU MUST BE DOING THIS. I REALLY WON'T CARE. REALLY.

Fortunately, they have school the next morning, but the bruise over his left eye swells up and turns a nasty color of greenish-purple. It's good, in a way, that it looks so bad, because it distracts them from the fact that his little finger is bent like crazy from where he broke it by landing on it funny when they shoved him down.

Stephen pretty much loves Jon's mother, what can he say. It's almost enough to make him want to go down for the holidays with Jon, but the idea of being in the same town as his parents is a little too DDDDDDDDDDD: for him still.

Stephen is particularly proud of the eagle stencil in the bathroom and the patriotic bedspread. It was a budget job, but it's still pretty fab.

I had to try to make up for all the pain and sadness we were inflicting. Also it is dangerously creeping past my bedtime (lolol oh man 2AM, where did you come from) so I picture Jon getting Stephen a ring even though Jon didn't want one as much and Stephen surprising him with a vacation (and lolol he booked the honeymoon suite like they're newlyweds).

Oh fuck, broken rib. That could've punctured his lung, what the hell were they thinking. She'll totally cover them at the hospital. STEPHEN DON'T YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU LIKE MY OWN CHILD, I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU SUFFER LIKE THIS, AND NO HONEY I WON'T MAKE YOU CALL YOUR PARENTS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, JUST GET IN THE VAN.

He would probably manage to turn it into something grand and romantic until the truth comes out, make it sound like he did something dramatic to anyone who asked.

She comes up for some of the holidays and when she can't she calls, of course, and they put her on speakerphone and damn the phone bill because it is good to have another voice in the apartment.

Lolol Whenever Stephen is hanging out in the lounges at school he changes the TVs to the Home and Garden channel. They have shows that show you how to do stuff for free or nearly free.

IKR I MIGHT PASS OUT SOON JUST A WARNING

THANK YOU FOR THIS JOY IT'S SO JOYOUS. They went somewhere warm and tropical, because Stephen loves his new life, he really does, but he missed the heat.

I do wonder what his parents do to him when the truth comes out, though. I have a feeling it's not pretty but meh, too tired to angst.

OH, STEPHEN. <33333333333 I HAVE A FEELING HE FAILS MISERABLY BUT HE'S SO PROUD.

I'M PRETTY SURE I'M ABOUT TWO MINUTES FROM CRASHING SO I SHOULD GO AND FIND A PILLOW NOW

Well of cousre they did, because then Stephen can dress up in a coconut bra and a grass skirt and make Jon laugh. (Man in my last American Lit class we read the some story about Southerners and cold weather and lolol found it.)

:( I was half-wondering if they kick him out of the house. But I would prefer not to angst too much right now, I'd rather my dreams be de Lancie oriented.

JON MAKES SURE TO TELL ALL THEIR GUESTS TO TAKE NOTE AND COMPLIMENT THE NICE LITTLE PERSONAL TOUCHES STEPHEN HAS GIVEN THEIR PLACE.

Oh, the babies. <3

I was half-wondering if his father doesn't kick the shit out of him ngl.

JON IS SO ENTHRALLED BY STEPHEN'S ENDLESS PROJECTS OMG HE'S LIKE AND THIS IS THE KETTLE FOOT THING IDR WHAT IT'S CALLED THAT HE MADE OUT OF HORSESHOES

Wow. Look at what I started. When you two get going you really get going. (And it's awesome)

It also breaks your layout all to fuck, though. Squished comments are squished.

Still ♥s to both of you. I am totally going to make the mixtape now.

IKR LOOK AT THOSE SQUISHED MOTHERFUCKERS. DDDDDDDD:

Lolol they look like emo angsty poetry. One word per line.

lol

You can tell I got distracted before coming back here because for a second I was like "wait when did they adopt?"

:((( If you write this fic you are going to have to put a warning like "this will break your heart, rip it out, and stomp on it, ngl."

YEAH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT WOULD BE BUT I'M SURE IT WOULD BE ADORABLE AND STEPHEN WOULD SHOW IT OFF TO ALL THEIR GUESTS.

LOL AMAZING

BUT IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING I JUST PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSE A COUPLE OF PEOPLE FIRST

ULTIMATELY IT IS A TALE OF JOY

I have a feeling their college friends are all weird and artsy and you know, they do the whole wild college kids being promiscuous thing, and Jon and Stephen wonder if they're missing out on something sometimes.

Plus also, despite their newlywed status, their sex life kind of sucks, what with the whole working-three-jobs-each-to-pay-for-rent-and-tuition thing. They pretty much just come home and cry with relief to see each other before falling into bed and passing out. ;_;

THEY WILL BE HAPPY THEY JUST HAVE TO PASS THROUGH A FEW HOOPS TO GET THERE

Stephen's friends are all artsy (lolol they analyze his crafts) and Jon's are all from the psych department and messed up because the grad students keep experimenting on them. And they psychoanalyze the boys' relationship whenever Jon acts down or anything. Then Stephen gets all jealous of his soccer buddies idk.

;_; At least they wake up in each other's arms?

LOL JON COMES HOME ONE DAY AND STEPHEN AND HIS FRIENDS ARE ALL SITTING AROUND THE TABLE AND HIS FRIENDS ARE DOING FREE-ASSOCIATION CRITIQUE OF HIS POTHOLDERS <3

It's pretty hard not to get jealous when Jon sees them more often than he sees Stephen. They have a pretty hard first year, but then the semester ends and they have a glorious summer mostly to themselves.

Well, the one who wakes up first before heading out to work gets to wake up in the other's arms. Sometimes, when the alarm wakes both of them, they even get a good-bye kiss.

LOL JON'S PSYCH FRIENDS ARE LIKE "WELL CLEARLY HIS PURSUANCE OF AN OLDER MAN IS INDICATIVE OF HIS SEARCH FOR A SURROGATE FATHER TO REPLACE HIS OWN INADEQUATE PARENT" AND JON IS LIKE "I AM ONE YEAR OLDER THAN HIM, WHAT THE HELL"

None of their friends can get over the fact that they're actually married. But they're just like "It's not that different lol"

SOMEHOW THEY CONVINCED THEIR PROFESSOR TO GIVE THEM CREDIT FOR IT AS A HOMEWORK EXERCISE <3

There are a lot of fights that first year. But Stephen goes to all the home games if he's not working and Jon sees as many of Stephen's plays as he's able to.

Do they leave each other cutesy little notes. Does Jon take a Polaroid photo of himself (using one of Stephen's friend's cameras) 'asleep' and leave tape it to his pillow so Stephen can 'wake up with him' even though Jon goes to work first most days.

"JON YOUR CREEPY FRIENDS ARE ASKING ME ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD AGAIN" "Just distract them with your latest project Stephen" "BUT THEY ACT LIKE MY PAINTINGS ARE ROSARCH TESTS" "I'll tell them to stop it, let me finish changing--" 'THEY'RE TELLING EACH OTHER I'M PROBABLY A SUB, JON, DDD:" "...Guys, seriously, WE ARE NOT YOUR PATIENTS"

It's not as if they wouldn't be living together anyway. And their friends probably tease them for referring to each other as "my husband" all the time (or at least Stephen). <3

Oh, the babies. <333333 They both think each other's friends are crazy as hale. (Of course, they think that about their own friends, too, but.)

YES YES AND YES. HERE IS A SAMPLE OF SOME OF THESE NOTES.

"Jon,

If I were a woman I would have put on an extra coat of lipstick and kissed this note with it to assure that I still love you even when we're fighting and I'm not able to come to your games, but I'm not a woman, so I don't have any lipstick. Also I would never say a sissy thing like that, so have this drawing I did of you instead. Good luck today. BEAT THE WILDCATS"

And it has a little doodle of a victorious Jon scoring a goal, his arms in the air, with a timid kitten crying beside him. And also a heart. Which has been scribbled over.

"Stephen -

Forgot to tell you last night that I'm working a double shift tonight to make up for missed cellphone bill. Promise I will make it up to you in any way you want ((crudely drawn winking face)) so you'd better start thinking of ways I can pay you back.

Love you.

-J"

Yes, he definitely has a pillow photo, and Stephen has an "eating" photo taped to his chair because of all the times Jon has to eat dinner alone.

What do they fight about? Little things? Big things? Trivial things that seem like a huge deal because they're cracking under pressure?

I want one of Jon's friends to be some kinky fucker who is all "you know you could probably improve your struggling sex life by introducing light bondage and power play" and Stephen turns lobster red an says that "OUR SEX LIFE IS FINE TYVM AND ALSO NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS"

Oh, Stephen. Everyone can tell that he's so sincere and **crazy** devoted, but it's still really strange to see this lsad-eyed, bespeckled scrawny kid who looks to be about 15 finding opportunities to use the phrase "my husband" in conversation.

He gets a lot of strangers double-taking, all "SORRY TO INTERRUPT BUT DID YOU JUST SAY"

OMG THE BOYS, THEY ARE SO ADORABLE. JON DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A SEMI-COLON IS YOU COULD HAVE GONE ;) BECAUSE ACTUALLY IF I THINK ABOUT IT A WINKING FACE WOULD BE HARD TO DRAW IF NOT FOR THE SEMICOLON

Oh, oh. Other people come over and are like "why are there random pictures of you guys everywhere" and they are like BECAUSE WE LOVE EACH OTHER OKAY.

Probably all of the above. :/ I am wondering if any of Stephen's siblings try to contact him -- or maybe leave a message with Jon's mom or something. And maybe Jon's class on human sexuality isn't as funny as he thought it was going to be and is instead hitting him kind of hard during certain points of the semester.

Man you know one of the guys on the soccer team is really kinky and totally loves messing with Stephen whenever Jon wanders out of the room because he thinks it's hilarious.

looks to be about 15 Man now you made me think there's one time where Stephen thinks growing a beard will make people take him seriously (a la Captain Riker) and Jon is all ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Some days all Stephen wakes up to a Post-It not inscribed with a little sad face and the words "I miss you" written in tiny lettering.

The random pictures are by far not the weirdest part of their apartment, so they let it slide and focus on the weird murals instead.

I wonder if Stephen gets sick because they don't have enough money to keep the heat on in the winter and one of his siblings comes up to visit him in the hospital. (I'M SORRY I JUST LIKE HURTING PEOPLE OKAY). I don't even know how that would pan out, as I imagine that his siblings are just as bad as his parents. Besides, the last time the sibling saw him he was getting the tar kicked out of him by his father, so that's got to be awkward.

Jon is very displeased to learn of it, and his friend is like LOL HILARIOUS XDDDDDD and Jon says something about not appreciating it when people treat his husband that way, and Stephen is delighted at the mention of their legally-binding ceremony.

Stephen did actually have a crazy-ass beard in college. It is good to know that Jon prevented that.

<3333333 Oh, boys.

(LESS HURTING PEOPLE AND MORE THAT it's not like his family would drop off the face of the Earth or anything.) At least one of his siblings must have some sympathy. Not a lot -- not enough to accept what's going on -- but enough that s/he wants to visit to see if Stephen is really different and doesn't he want to think about annulling that silly marriage and coming back home and no, I didn't tell Mom and Dad where you were or where I was going (not that they asked). And, oh, Jon walking in and the person leaving. Or Jon seeing him/her in the hallway and being all "why the fuck didn't you step in and stop your father from beating the shit out of him"?

His friend is scared by the appearance of Jon's rather cool, simmering brand of anger but at the same time finds it strangely appealing and of course Stephen is practically swooning when he hears.

...He did? o_O Good for Jon for stopping that, then.

(Also I have opened a file for the eventual-stormy-night-post-losing-virginity fic and what do you think of this for a first line (it's supposed to be the same night they ~took the next step~): "Jon dropped him off at the corner, and Stephen walked back to his parent's house alone.")

(...aside from the apostrophe in parent's being in the wrong place.)

Man they are breaking my heart with their optimism and love in this fic.

It would be that silly "marriage" actually. :P

Oh, Stephen. He cannot help but question, tentatively, about his parents and how they are and whether they missed him on his birthday. And Lulu (because I decided arbitrarily okay) is very distant and disapproving and looks disdainfully at Jon whenever she gets the chance.

I wonder how they even found out where he lived. In my head, he snuck out the day after graduation and just left a note of the refrigerator reading "Left with Jon. Don't try to find me. - S" and then they drove down the road with the windows rolled down, "Born to Run" blasting over the stereo and it was glorious.

Oh man. The altercation would be fascinating. I have a feeling Jon almost wants things to escalate a little bit so that he can scream at them until his throat goes raw.

;___________________________________;

oh, the poor boy. at the corner.

;___________________________________________;

They are extremely optimistic in this fic, aren't they? Then again we have largely avoided talking about any of the fights they have between themselves.

For about thirty seconds I was like "...but I spelled it right, I swear--" People and using extraneous quotation marks.

Well when Lulu (that's fine, I can't name most of his siblings anyway) just sits there staring at him for ten minutes he eventually has to ask something. So ensues one of the most stilted conversations ever. (If they kicked him out of the house, did he sneak back in to get all/some of his stuff?)

I figured maybe someone snuck a peak at Jon's mother's mail. Like around a holiday or birthday Lulu thought she'd be sending a card so she flipped through the letters in the mailbox for a few days and eventually found their address. Jon's mom wouldn't give it out if she'd been asked.

Jon is probably dying to have some kind of confrontation about it. I doubt Stephen let him go near his family after the incident. Imagine what his dad would've done if Jon had shown up on their doorstep.

;_______; But they go see Star Wars later and wear each other's clothes (because I'm weird) and it's all okay.

So let's talk about the fights! And the bad stuff! This is getting too saccharine, needs more horribleness.

Jon's never really cared too much for girls (or other boys), because he's always had Stephen. He's never really looked. But there's period of about three months where their work schedules match up almost perfectly opposite of each another's so they see one other hardly ever at all, except for maybe the times that they catch the other person as they're headed out the door, and well. It's hard to build a marriage on Post-Its and quick "hellogoodbye" kisses every couple of days.

And then Jon meets this girl Lisa, who wears too much black eyeliner and has her hair dyed pink, in one of his classes. And, well. She's really pretty, and funny, and quirky. And well. He's not wearing a ring or anything, and she just assumes, and...

There is something very sweet about big sister Lulu, willing to break the law to send a card to her baby brother.

I bet Jon's mom finds out and flips shit, though.

I wonder if they just did that weird thing where after the initial fallout, they just avoided talking/each other until he bolted. Like. IDK. Some parents do this weird passive aggressive thing where they keep you underfoot sort of out of love, but also so they can harangue you as much as possible.

He certainly wasn't allowed to see his bb Jon, though. He wasn't allowed to do most things.

Even for me (I suppose that's saying something) this is way too rose-colored glasses, we needs some angst.

Jon has never really noticed other people, even when other people notice him. But he and Stephen are leaving less notes to each other (Post-Its are on the shopping list and have been there for weeks but they both keep forgetting to grab them). So running into someone who is always up for something, who he doesn't need to write notes to...

I'm guessing he begins to double-think things when they're telling funny stories together and all of a sudden Jon realizes he can't remember the last time he heard Stephen laugh. Or, or, one of Stephen's friends left their polaroid at the apartment and Lisa takes a picture of her and Jon together and it falls between the couch cushions and Jon comes home to find a new stack of Post-Its and a "Who is she?" or something similar in tiny handwriting from Stephen.

But they don't have time to actually fight, they just keep leaving passive-agressive and outwardly aggressive notes. Finally something happens where Jon gets off early, or his switch shifts, and he comes home and Stephen's there eating Spaghettios or something and they just stare at each other for like five minutes before they start talking. (One of them ends up spending the night in the student center.) And it's a while before Jon stops feeling sick all the time and before Stephen misses falling asleep next to him.

After Lulu shows up there's probably some kind of blowout. Stephen thinks about keeping in contact with her and Jon is like wtf. Or Jon has his little altercation with her and Stephen flips out at him for trying to 'handle' his family. Maybe? (But sometime after she comes Stephen decides to start pronouncing his name with the silent t.)

Of course. You know. There's not much of a message inside. And it very much has only her name.

Oh, Jon's mom is displeased.

Like, maybe, there was just sort of a silent agreement he could stay, but they didn't want to hear much from him and they certainly didn't want to hear from anyone else that he and Jon were getting together. Or that he wasn't showing up at Youth Group. Or that he wasn't doing whatever else people (who they didn't tell what happened, of course) expected from him.

Which is why the suggestion to elope is such a surprise. Who popped the question? Idk it could be either. Or just a tacit agreement. Stephen shows up at Jon's (one night when the Colberts are out) with all his stuff in his car, or something.

I'm not complaining, mind.

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more smush fic

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